Sometimes it's better not to ask.

So I’ve decided to dedicate an entry to talking a bit about the cultural oddities and humor I have thus far encountered here in Thailand. I think this is probably better done sooner than later … you know, before I get too used to things like driving on the left side of the road.

FOOD
The food here in general has been wonderful. It’s cheap, it’s fresh (sometimes a bit too fresh) and it tastes great. There are a couple of choice situations I have found myself in, though, when my eyes and my mouth were opened to whole new ideas about eating. Take, for instance, the other day when I was in a street-side restaurant with some friends (mostly Thai) and I was told I should order the papaya salad, a Thai staple. They asked me if I would like crab in it and I, picturing nice, white, fluffy pieces of crab meat, said “Why of course I would! And why don’t you go ahead and put in extra!” with a big, goofy grin on my face, I’m sure. The salad came and I dug right in without giving it much of a look-see, and it was good. Spicy, but good. Until … “CRUNCH.” I chomped down on something very hard and, taking a quick glance around the table to be sure my friends were preoccupied, turned whatever it was around in my mouth. I was staring down at a complete crab claw that I had begun to spit out of my mouth, poking out as if to grab something out of the air directly in front of my nose, when a friend glanced at me with an almost sad look on her face, as if to say “Don’t you like it?” I then, of course, had to make up for it by getting an extra big smile on my face and devouring the entire crab that I found in different sections within my salad, piece by piece … shell and all. I will never look at friends’ hermit crabs the same way again.

Another day a while ago, I was sitting down to a family-style lunch with some other acquaintances, commenting on how good the food was when they decided to plop down in front of the guest of honor a big bowl full of winged bugs. The only problem was that the guest of honor happened to be me, and as I turned to the host sitting next to me, he was already spooning a large helping of the little critters into my rice, turning the bowl slightly to the side so that he could use the spoon as more of a shovel. “We only eat female,” he said with a big smile. “Male have very bad taste.”
“Bugs! Have a bad taste? I could never imagine such a nutty thing as that!” I thought sarcastically. “All the bugs I’ve tried in my day have been positively delightful!” The next 40 minutes were painful as my hosts happily watched me enjoy this backyard-gathered delicacy. Just for future reference to any of you planning some insect dining parties, go for the ones with less flight capability. The wings scratch going down.

TONES
So, the Thai language is tonal, that being that the exact same word to us can be said five different ways, with five different tones, and mean five completely different things. This can understandably prove to be rather challenging for Western speakers such as myself who are trying to learn to speak the language … and rather embarrassing as well.

For example, I studied a few important phrases in a book and Online before I came, wanting to be at least somewhat prepared for daily interaction-type situations. I spent the first couple weeks of my trip saying “Khor toat krap” when I would get in someone’s way, because it means “excuse me” … or so I thought. The other day I was at one of Chiang Mai’s many street markets when I happened to get in the way of a particularly cute bunch of Thai girls. Putting on my biggest lady-killer smile, I belted out a loud and proud “Kor toat krap,” only to have them all burst into laughter right in front of me … a couple of them trying to suppress it, but most of them just letting it go without any restraint … a reaction not altogether common in this reserved Asian culture. I kept my smile, figuring that they were surely just flustered by this cute, young American with his perfect Thai accent. “Yes ladies, I’m here all summer,” I thought, beaming from ear to ear. But then I glanced around and saw several other people with grins on their face, including an old man chuckling behind me. “Either this old man has a crush on me too, or something’s not quite right,” I thought.

I made my way back to the center of the market where I found my friend and asked her what exactly it means when I say “Khor toat krap,” and received about the same reaction, except she couldn’t stop laughing, and was having to keep a hand on my shoulder as she was bent double laughing, I standing there impatient, looking up at the ceiling. Eventually she controlled herself and told me that I had asked the girls, in a perfect Thai accent, “May I please fart?” Yes … I am a language genius. What I had, in fact meant to say was “Khor tooat krap.” I hadn’t held my toat quite long or high enough.

I won’t ramble any more … though surely I could. This is a wonderful, weird place I have found myself in. As always, thanks for visiting. I will end with a photo of a statue I saw inside a temple. I have absolutely no explanation for this, so here it is:
And yes, that is in fact a huge silver and gold dragon with sharp teeth.